the most confusing building in america.

(i can't take credit for this glorious picture.)

the other day i had to pick up three vip tickets for monday's oprah taping in new york. i walked down to 8th ave, and walked up to this gigantic and intimating building. when i entered, there were long escalators with water fountains flowing down the sides. i turned right as instructed. 'hearst publications' was written over the welcome desk, and i stopped over. they called up to sarah, the person i was supposed to meet on the 36th floor. i heard the guy next to the lady i was talking to say, "yeah, it's pretty confusing," but my lady didn't elaborate on this for me. she handed me this, and told me to go upstairs, call the number and ask for the girl:


easy, right? wrong. i started to put it on, but refrained. i had to scan it first. these weird metal doors opened, and i had escalator access. i went up, and turned to find the elevators. after finding them, i stood there for roughly 30 seconds. there was no button to push. i went over to this kiosk-looking thing. i stood there. then a woman walked up and typed a number in. being human, and having lived 22 years, i obviously watched and then tried to mimick her actions. it didn't work. she was nice enough, however, to say "yeah, this place is extremely confusing." and tell me what to do. the elevator opened for both of us, and we went up. we had a short conversation. she said that because of those elevators, she gets on other ones and does nothing. at the hearst tower, it's done for you. i stepped off on the 36th floor, and walked around for a moment. i was in the middle of two glass walls with 'O' on one side and 'The Oprah Winfrey Show' on the other. i walked over to the phone (which took me much too long to find - as everything else in the building, it did not look like a typical phone). sarah answered and walked over to meet me. we went in and i got the tickets. she asked if i had an idea of how to leave, and i just shook my head. she had to push a button for me to leave, and then i walked over to the elevator kiosk. this time i knew what was up. and then i went down. after going down the escalator, i started to walk out of the door. i was confused at first. i had to walk through the same metal turnstile, and it was automatic.

i walked out on the street and took a breath. the crazy, technologically advanced, and completely unnecessary building was behind me.

air hobos

so i know a lot about hobos, thanks to john hodgman. i even know exactly what i'm going to name my kid, thanks to john hodgman. unfortunately, i don't know why they insist on breaking all of our stuff where i work. or going through our bags of trash on trash day. or yelling things at us. either way, i was on the phone with my boss (she's in montreal), and there was some guy who came in to our office and started talking and talking and talking. it was really pissing me off because i was on the phone with my boss and i couldn't hear a freaking word she was saying...nor could i hear a freaking word he was saying. so i told my boss i had to go. no, no. she wanted me to ask everyone if they had anything they wanted to tell her. so i asked. response from amanda and meagan: no. response from guy: your air conditioner is broken. i told her no one had anything to say, thinking that he was sweating profusely because he was talking loudly, and my preacher used to do that (still does, but i don't go there anymore). he would be drenched in sweat by the end of the sermon, while my best friend would sit beside me and whisper "i wonder if he knows gluttony is a sin?" either way, i disconnected the call with raeanne and went to my office. then i realized that everyone had gone to the back of the building. i went back there, and holy crap. this is what i discovered:

in case you can't tell, they broke the wires and the lock. whoever did this knew what they were doing. fortunately, it's the air conditioning unit the back, where we don't work. unfortunately, however, it's where raeanne's negatives are. we haven't told her yet. i pick her up from the airport today. she's going to be pissed.

i'm sure i shouldn't blame it on the hobos, but it's someone who decided it would be a good idea to steal the copper out of the air conditioning unit and sell it. someone who probably doesn't have a lot of money or wants to make a quick buck.

by the way, did you know michael jordan recoops 70% of the profits from his air jordans?? and people wonder why there are hobos in the first place, right? why does paris hilton have money and kevin, the diabetic that raeanne "adopted" who lives in a park has nothing but a lot of puppies and no food? why is this acceptable?

worky mcworkerson

okay. so this isn't the most interesting post, but since i know you've all been DYING to see where i work (you all of course being absolutely no one because i'm pretty sure that's how many people look at this), i've decided to share the craziness with you.


my office. it's so...officious. i did NOT make that mess. i just keep pretending like i can actually clean it.

the studio. raeanne is actually a famous photographer, but it's so messy i'm not sure if she even wants people to come to her studio. some pictures of her pictures are below...

the "kitchen." we hang out by the water cooler on break. but there is no water cooler, so that's a lie.



here are some of her pictures. guess who the stars are. if you guess right...i'll give you a prize (which just means i'll say, "good job!" and possibly touch your butt a little.)

i took a picture of the one to the left for brett and jason jones.

check out that ass!