Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Crossing Over by Frank Murphy

Nobody walks on the water to get to Bklyn,
but they act that way
coming across the East River as though it
were an ocean, coming from Manhattan expecting
a different language
talking of the trip from East B’way to York St. as if they had
just finished a journey on the Siberian railroad
                once out of Moscow everything was better

Nobody needs to be born again to reach Hoyt St. and
   but a friend once thumbed his way to Manhattan
   from Seattle in winter only to tell me Bklyn was
   too far to travel by subway
                                and a poet who’s lived for years
                                on a lonely farm in Maine talks
                                of Park Slope as if they hoist
                                supplies up to us on a rope

Nobody has to be baptized or circumsized to come to Jay St.
but ask any cabbie on 42nd St. to take you there and
watch the tremble, or look of distant pity while
                                                Off duty signs pop up like firecrackers

I’ve lived in Bklyn for 10 years
And I’m tired of being treated like a foreigner.
I tell you it has to stop.
Nobody has to part the waters to walk on
Atlantic Avenue.  Bklyn is a part of New York City.

Stop treating us like we lived in Staten Island.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Being Jennifer Holder

So, obviously, my name is common. And not just Jennifer, but the combination of both names.

There is a Jennifer Holder who is an anime voice actor. I've considered trying to live in her shadow and get into exclusive anime parties or voice acting jobs. Someday this will happen. There are other Jennifer Holder's all over the place - in book publishing, restaurants, banks...

But over the past year or so I've had a few run-ins with a Jennifer Holder who is apparently an idiot. (Okay, I'm perhaps going a little too far. Obviously, all Jennifer Holder's are geniuses, considering I am, right?) Either way, she keeps putting MY email address down on random job applications and her American Airlines Advantage Number. Now, I have written back to the job applications and called American Airlines because I'd hate for her not to have her tickets when she's flying around. (I would say I'd hate for her to not get the job, but as soon as I write back and let them know they have the wrong Jennifer, they have to know that she is obviously too stupid to know her own email address and therefore wouldn't hire her. I hope.)

But, this. This is not something I'm willing to give up. I've decided to now take advantage of her using my email. Who's up for a trip to Dallas to get a free appetizer?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cupcake Camp NYC

Last night I attempted to go to Cupcake Camp NYC, an event with FREE CUPCAKES in the Lower East Side at Happy Ending. I stood in line for almost an hour to take part in this event, but never made it inside. It was apparently so packed in there you could barely move. At one point there was a displaced looking woman walking around carrying an empty pan and talking on her cell phone saying "My cupcakes are already gone! It's a mad house in there." Lucky for me, my faithful friends Laurel and Lauren brought me cupcakes from inside so I didn't have to try and force myself in. They volunteered and apparently had first dibs on every cupcake that entered the building!

But waiting in line was worth it. While I was there, a homeless man approached me to find out what everyone was awaiting.
HM: What's going on in there?! Led Zepplin?!
ME: Yes, it's a Led Zepplin concert.
HM: No! Really? What's goin on in there?!
ME: Free cupcakes. Much better than Led Zepplin.
HM: You're jerking my chain.You people are all standing in line for FREE cupcakes?
ME: Yes.
HM: Are they the best cupcakes in the world or something? I don't believe you!
ME: They're definitely good.
HM: What is that paper in your hand?
ME: My ticket.
HM: I don't believe you. What does that ticket say "Free cupcakes"?
I showed him the ticket, which said "Cupcake Camp NYC" and he said, "All right, you win," threw his hands up and walked away.

Later I heard a ton of people having the same conversation with confused people who were walking by. "You mean it's not someone famous?!" Those conversations definitely put it in perspective for me. I mean, a HOMELESS man thought it was ridiculous to stand in line for almost an hour for free cupcakes.Then I realized that all a homeless person needs is the internet. There is free food all the time in New York, you just gotta be able to find it!

After all of that, when Laurel and Lauren finally made it out of there with cupcakes in hand, I only had one. I just wasn't too hungry for cupcakes anymore. Although I was excited that the cupcake I chose had a Tagalog sticking out of it. It was a rich chocolate cupcake with peanut butter in the middle...and it was delicious. Totally worth the wait.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Boat Guy

On the way back from our trip to Europe, we encountered an older man, probably in his 50s or 60s sitting near us on the plane. We named him "Boat Guy," because at the beginning of our flight, he was looking at boats online on his mac.

Later in the flight, Laurel and I played M.A.S.H. so as to keep ourselves awake, and also because it was hilarious. Unfortunately, my results were rather dismal: I was to marry Boat Guy.

Even later in the flight (this flight was a connection flight from Raleigh to NYC, so it was actually quite short), Laurel and I both noticed that BG was typing furiously on his keyboard. I assumed that his profession was that of an author, or that he just really likes to journal his experiences.

Then Laurel gave me a look. She was closer to BG and had seen what he was typing. She was giggling, and I forced my camera, zoomed in, into her hands. She took a picture, and below is what he was typing. Click on the picture to read it.

In essence, yes, he his an author. Of EROTIC FICTION. And terribly written erotic fiction at that. When the steward made him put his computer away, BG was visibly upset. He was obviously in the middle of a fit of inspiration and couldn't be bothered.

He closed out his Microsoft Word, and as he was turning off his computer, we got a glimpse of his background: a picture of him, his wife, and his two children.

Simply put, I can't wait to marry him.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Atlantic Antic

This past Sunday was Brooklyn's infamous Atlantic Antic, which I had never been to (and therefore never truly lived in Brooklyn, but that's fine considering I just moved here from Queens in March).

We went to check out the digs, which included...

A snake, and a little girl who was having a staring contest with me...

The weirdest tribute to Patrick Swayze I've ever seen. I really wonder what the sign was before he passed...

And some old timey buses...

I wanted to get a shot of the Jackie Gleason Depot bus, but my camera died. It was a bus that had JACKIE GLEASON DEPOT on the front. Click "Yes" if you find this description redundant.

All in all, it was successful. I ate BBQ and Blue Marble ice cream, Laurel had some tasty pizza, and Adam found the perfect desk chair at an antique shop.

Timely Manner = Two Years

so i applied for a job at the metropolitan museum of art 2 years ago, and JUST got this email.

way to be, mma. way to be.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Anti-Stress Videos

They're all a bit old; some recently discovered and others I revert back to on occassion.

Mayer Hawthorne - Just Ain't Gonna Work Out from Stones Throw on Vimeo.